Guilt

Stress can do so many crazy things to your body.  It has been a HUGE learning process for me, just trying to accept the fact that my physical symptoms are a result of mental trauma I have experienced.  This has lead to the diagnosis of Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (see previous post), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Conversion Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Tics (movement disorder), Asthma, Stress Migraines, Light and Noise sensitivity, and a common heart condition.  What the heck??!!  Yeah, it's totally ridiculous.

This has also caused a lot of guilt for me.  When I'm told it's stress, I have a problem with feeling blamed for what has happened.  Stress should be something you can control, right?  That's what I thought.  The word stress, produced in me the thought that I brought this on myself, that I should not been so sensitive to the situation, that my issues are all my fault.  I feel put down, shamed, and guilty.  It then produces more stress because I am upset with myself, kicking myself in the butt for what happened, when sometimes I didn't even know I was stressed!

In all reality though, it's not my fault at all.  Every human being goes through hard times, stressful situations, and eventually mild to severe trauma.  I happen to be really sensitive to what is going on around me, and have experienced more trauma in my life than most.  I also have been taught an extraordinary amount of respect for authority, which caused me to not share my opinion, to become mentally trampled, to suppress my emotions, and caused it to be all bottled up inside making physical symptoms come out.   

Different people react differently to stress: 

Some people have panic attacks.  

Some have heart palpitations.   

Some have headaches. 

 Some fatigue.  

Some chest pain.  

Some back pain.

Some arthritis.

Some asthma.

Some memory problems.

Some high blood pressure.

The list could go on and on.

As you can see, a problem that is going on mentally will most likely present in some type of physical issue.  The result is frustrating.  You may think that if you weren't stressed, you wouldn't have to deal with this problem.  While that may be true, there is nothing you can do about it.  Your brain is SO extremely complex, that ultimately your physical issue is because it is trying to protect you from experiencing that stress or trauma again.  It's trying to save you from more intense trauma, so it slows you down to get your attention.

Guilt is a feeling that I deal with on a daily basis.  I try and tell myself that this is not my fault, that this reaction is completely out of my control.  However, it is still hard to process, to accept, to be okay with, and to deal with.  It's not easy to have so many physical problems, stemming from a psychological issue and distress.  If any of you deal with physical issues that may be caused by stress, I know how you feel.  I know that it's really hard for people around you to understand.  I know what it's like to feel put down and shamed.  This is not easy, but we'll get through this together!

Keep on keeping on.

 He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace