Friday, November 14, 2014

God's Plan

I'm sorry I've somewhat neglected this blog for almost a month, but I have been dealing with a struggle I never imagined would be so hard. Yes, it's another health one. Sometimes, I just don't understand why I can't be normal and live like everyone else, with no pain, heartache, physical issues, etc.
But then I realize despite how hard it is, that God has promised us that "normal" life when we get to heaven.
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
"Now the dwelling of God is with men,
and He will live with them.
They will be His people, and God
Himself will be with them and be their God.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning
or crying or pain, 
for the old order of things has passed away."
             ~Revelation 21:3-4

For those who are in Christ Jesus, and know Him and love Him as their personal Savior, this is the best promise anyone could ask for. This God specifically planned as our Loving Father. In His heart, I know that the sorrows of this life to us, are just as sorrowful to Him. He doesn't desire there to be pain and suffering, kidnappings and deaths, wars and mental trauma, accidents and shootings. When He made the world and Adam and Eve in His own image, I'm not sure these sufferings were on His mind. In His heart, He wants us to be happy and full of life, loving and caring, at peace of heart and mind, knowing Christ and living to the fullest. The cool part? We still can! Despite everything that is going on in your life and the world around you, you can still be happy. full of life. loving. caring. at peace in your heart and mind. knowing Christ. living to the fullest. There is nothing that is holding you back from these things! 

Would we not be such self-centered people, this would be a breeze. However, as sinners and humans of this life, we easily put up walls of suffering in front of us...that being all we can see. How can we look past this wall? Look up. That is the ONLY way you can find peace and joy. Look up to Jesus. Who suffered and died for you, that you may have life and life abundant. The One that writes in 1 Corinthians:

"He will keep you strong to the end, so that you
will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus
God, who has called you into fellowship
with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord
is Faithful."
(ch. 1 vs 8-9)

Yes, there is still pain and sorrows, but even more, there is a God who loves you unconditionally and has the best plan for your life. And even though God does not like the sufferings of this world, He will use it to mature and strengthen His Children. Just remember to look to Him.

So about 5 weeks ago, I started having issues with violent jerking. I've dealt with twitching before, but nothing like this. My whole body was involved, suddenly jerking into a fetal position every few minutes. It started while I was volunteering with an ambulance company in Mesquite. They kind of panicked, and tried to get me to go into the hospital. I vehemently refused, telling them I've had stuff similar to this happen before…just not so violent. I was on a twin bed, and almost fell off multiple times. Thankfully I won the argument, and was a crazy jerk for about an hour both running calls, and on the bed at the station. I was so worn out though. And we ran calls all night long. Periodically I would flail my body once or twice, during the night and in the morning. So strange and unusual. But maybe I just needed sleep, and would resume my normal life in the next day or two.

Me (top) and the ambulance I worked in (below)

However, it gradually got worse. I had multiple violent episodes later that week, lasting for about an hour at a time. About a week later, it started happening twice a day for an hour each. A little while later, it came once a day for 4 hours. And then a week ago, I started having two 4 hour jerking episodes a day. In case you haven't learned addition yet, that is a grand total of 8 hours a day. Laying on the couch being a jerk. Trying not to hurt myself. Not able to drive. Having to get up early to get things done before I started having one at 1:00pm until bed, with an hour break in-between. Felling totally exhausted. Cramped up. Sore to the point of thinking I had a fever. Having a headache all the time. Not able to get much accomplished. Missing having dinner with my family for 3 weeks. 

So I saw a neurologist the end of October, and he ordered an EEG. A week later, we had the company show up at our house, hook me up to a ton of electrodes, putting pigtails in my hair, drawing X's on my head, putting tape everywhere, and making me look like a dork. It was a 14 hour long study from 4pm 'til 5:30am the next morning. I had to have a camera on me at all times, so I was constantly being watched. Talk about awkward! If you don't know what an EEG is, it is where they place certain electrodes in certain spots on your head, face, and chest to measure your brain waves and heart rate; seeing if there is any abnormality in it all. Trying to find epilepsy, or something like that.

Creepy eh? 

I obviously had an episode while hooked up, and then had to try and sleep that night with a camera light on me. Praying the whole time that something would show up in the study. At 5:30 in the morning, the company came back to unhook me, and try not to rip out my hair with the tape (unsuccessfully).

Then, I had to wait another week before getting the results and seeing the doctor. The appointment was set for November 13th. Yesterday. Expectantly, my mom, sister and I walked in to his office hoping to get some medicine to control this jerking, and therefore get my life back. I was even having an episode in his office. The day had come. But the news we heard next, was unexpected, shocking, and maddening. "I'm sorry. But I can't help you. Your EEG looks normal, and there is seriously nothing I can give you to help this. It is not neurologically related." WHAT?! How is that possible? How can something this bad not show up in my brain? It makes no sense. At. All. He told me to try and live my life as best as I can doing things, even while jerking. He said he thinks it is my body's way of dealing with some type of stress, and wants me to see a Neuro-Psychiatrist. Yeah right! He said they may be Psychological Non-Epileptic Spells (PNES). He told me he knows I'm not making them up, but it is not epilepsy related and therefore has to be related to stress. But really, how many people do you know that is stressed and walking around jerking for 8 hours a day?! Yes, stress could be playing a part in this, but it literally cannot be the only cause. So, we're back to square one. I'm still jerking (even while typing this), I have no answers, diagnosis, and nowhere to go next. We are not going to this Psychiatrist, because whoever this person is doesn't need to know my whole life, all my problems, and tell me how to handle them. They also don't need to be putting me on "feel good" antidepressants, when I have a Jesus I can talk to about my problems! He can give me true peace, if that is what I need. 

So to say the least, it has been a really rough couple of weeks especially with this "I can't help you" news. I can easily get upset about this whole thing, and I do, sad to say. There have been many tears shed over the trials of this life. And yet, I have had so many people praying for me, and encouraging me in the Word as I try and get through whatever lies ahead. 

Some of the verses I have been given and blessed by:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean
not on your own understanding,
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight."
          ~Proverbs 3:5-6

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me;
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me."
      ~Psalm 23:4

 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now
for a little while you may have had to 
suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
These have come so that your faith--
of greater worth than gold, which
perishes even though refined by fire--
may be proved genuine and may 
result in praise, glory and honor
when Jesus Christ is revealed."
      ~1 Peter 1:6-7

These trials in life are so that my faith, which is even greater than gold, may be proved genuine, and may give God the glory and honor that is due His Name. This is so that I can grow, and learn how to fully depend on my Savior. So I can mature into a beautiful flower for His glory. And in the midst of this, I can also learn to live life with an abundant joy. An indescribable peace. Full of life. With love and compassion. Why? Because I have a Savior. A Wonderful Merciful Savior. A Redeemer. A Friend. A Father who takes joy in me. A Jesus who died that I may live. And I am His Bride. His Child. His Daughter. And just like a father takes care of his children, so my Heavenly Father is taking care of me. And He will continue to do so as I put my full trust, dependance, and life in His hands. This is His plan, no matter how difficult. This is my Daddy and I will love Him with all my heart, until I go to be with Him forever.

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Friday, October 17, 2014


Meditation is a word I've always shied away from. To me, my first thought is yoga and second thought is other religions such as Buddhism. I have never had a good impression of meditation.
However, last night rocked my world.
I went to a monthly Ladies Meeting with my mom at Gospel for Asia. Can you guess the topic? Yup. Meditation. That dreaded word. But what I heard that night was something no one had ever had the chance of explaining to me.
That meditation Biblically, is a serious thing.
That what you think about, or meditate on, will determine your actions later.
a discourse intended to express its author's reflections or to guide others in contemplation.
a contemplative discourse
the act of meditating; contemplation; reflection
continued or extended thought
contemplation, thought, thinking, musing,
pondering, consideration, reflection etc.
All Christians and non-Christians alike, meditate whether they know it or not. When something happens to you, bad or good, you can't stop thinking about it right? You are constantly turning that incident over and over in your mind, dwelling on what happened, and in reality, meditating on that situation.
Here is a story that might help you understand.
There are 4 men in court. With 2 different stories.
Victim #1 is a young dad, who while backing up his car to go to work, didn't realize that his son was playing behind the car, and had his hands stuck in the fender. Dad started driving away, when finally neighbors got his attention. Victim #1 had dragged his son to his death.
Victims #2-4 are 3 white males who stuck a young black mans hands in the fender, and drug him to his death.
2 stories. 2 different outcomes.
The judge listened to Victim #1's story. Judge agreed to call it 'accidental manslaughter' and let the man go free of charges.
The judge then listened to Victims #2-4's story. Judge gave all 3 men the death penalty for 'pre-meditated manslaughter'.
Do you get it? Victim #1 had no intentions of doing such a thing to his son. He never had planned in his head to do that. However, the other 3 victims had come together and thought about it, planning it out, and then acting upon that. They had pre-meditated the whole thing. Had they thought of something else, more wholesome, none of this would have happened. They acted upon what they had been meditating on.
The same thing happened to Osama Bin Laden. Hitler. Mother Theresa. What had they been thinking about, or meditating on prior to their future actions? Osama, had probably been thinking about blowing things up. How to do the most destruction. How the twin towers worked. Hitler thought about killing people years before he actually did it. Mother Theresa thought about how to help the poor, and needy before displaying that in her future actions.
What you meditate on now, will determine your later actions.
So what are some good things you can meditate on? The very first and foremost is God's Holy Word. He even commands us to meditate on it day and night:
"This Book of the Law shall not depart
from your mouth, but you shall
meditate on it day and night, so that
you may be careful to do according to
all that is written in it. For then you will
make your way prosperous, and then
you well have good success."
~Joshua 1:8
"But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on His law he meditates day and night."
~Psalm 1:2
"Let the words of my mouth and the
meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your
sight, O Lord, my Rock and my
~Psalm 19:14

So, there you go. When someone irritates you, instead of dwelling on that, meditating on your self and the fact that this person irritated you...think about a scripture verse such as:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above
~Philippians 2:3

When you are angry with a friend, your husband, your sibling, don't keep thinking about that fact. Instead, think about this scripture:
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor
and evil speaking be put away from
you, with all malice. And be kind to
one another, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, even as God in Christ
forgave you."
~Ephesians 4:31-32

Or even this verse:
"A new command I give you:
Love one another. As I have
loved you, so you must love
one another. By this everyone
will know that you are My disciples,
if you love one another."
~John 13:34-35

When you are feeling depressed and downcast, refuse to dwell on those things. Instead think about:
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is
true, whatever is noble, whatever is
right, whatever is pure, whatever is
admirable--if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy--think about such things."
~Philippians 4:8

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under
God's mighty hand, that He may lift
you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety
on Him because He cares for you."
~1 Peter 5:6-7

When you meditate, or think about over and over in your head, or dwell on, these scriptures and truths about Christ, your actions will reflect these thoughts. If you choose to meditate on the bad things that come your way, thinking about over and over in your head all the anger you have towards someone, or all the woe is me, upsetting ones, that is how you will act.

So what will you choose to meditate on?
 Be careful...cause it will determine your actions later on.

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

I Refuse to be Discouraged

I refuse to be discouraged,
to be sad, or to cry;
I refuse to be downhearted,
and here's the reason why:
I have a God Who's mighty,
Who's sovereign and supreme;
I have a God Who loves me,
and I am on His team.
He is all-wise and powerful, 
Jesus is His name;
Though everything is changeable,
my God remains the same.
His presence is my comfort,
He is my dearest Friend.
When sickness comes to weaken me,
to bring my head down low,
I call upon my mighty God;
into His arms I go.
When circumstances threaten
to rob me of my peace;
He draws me close unto His breast,
where all my strivings cease.
When my heart melts within me,
and weakness takes control,
He gathers me into His arms;
He soothes my heart and soul. 
The great "I AM" is with me;
my life is in His hand.
The "Son of the Lord" is my hope;
it's in His strength I stand.
I refuse to be defeated,
my eyes are on my God;
He has promised to be with me,
as through this life I trod.
I'm looking past all circumstances,
to heaven's throne above;
My prayers have reached the heart of God.
I'm resting in His love.
I give God thanks in everything.
My eyes are on His face;
The battle's His, the victory is mine;
He'll help me win the race!
~author unknown

 I stumbled across this poem this afternoon, and was encouraged to refuse to be discouraged since we have Jesus on our side! I've had a rough week with some neurological issues, causing some anger and depression. But what kind of response is that, when I already know this is God's will? He knows what He's doing, and there is no reason to become angry at Him for something my Savior allowed…despite the fact that I am human, and not perfect. 
So therefore, I refuse to be discouraged! Will you join me in this?

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

God's Will

As I traveled down the long hour and a half stretch of mostly freeways, nervous about this major interview, I heard a song come on over the radio. As it played, I listened to the words and they went like this:
...I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse, to sit around and wait for someone else
to do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose not to move
but I refuse...
to stand and watch the weary and lost
 cry out for help
I refuse
to turn my back
and try and act like all is well
I refuse
to stay and change
to wait another day
to die to myself
I refuse
to make one more excuse.
Lyrics by Josh Wilson's "I Refuse"
When I got done listening to this, I almost cried from conviction. And yet I felt so much better. I knew that God had called me to be a medic, and help others, but it was my choice to respond to that calling...and here was my chance. An ambulance company, based an hour and a half away from where we live had called the day prior, asking if I could come and interview for an EMT position. I excitedly agreed, but didn't have any time to prepare, or process this news.
I got to the station and waited to be called back. When I did, I was professionally interviewed by 3 people at the same time! One by one, they would ask me questions and whenever I talked, they would be taking notes. All of the people were very nice, and I felt like it went really well. They seemed to want me to work with them, and told me they would give me a call in the next few days after doing a background check. Days went by with no call. My mom was more on edge than I was :) I knew that God knew what He was doing, and I wasn't worried about it no matter the outcome. It was weird to have everyone else worried, but not the one that should be!

This was the Lords will.
Finally after a week of waiting, I received a call saying that the insurance hadn't accepted me since I was too young, but they had just got an opening for a dispatching position. They had called me right away, to see if I was interested. Of course I was! So I came in for another short non-invasive interview, and was accepted for the position 3 days later. I came in for work the day after hearing the news, and packed for 3 straight 12 hour days of work. I was planning to stay with a friend and her family nearby. First day was really hard, trying to learn everything and all of a sudden feel comfortable taking charge, directing medics through the radio, and answering phone calls. I wasn't sure if I could do it. It felt like to much to handle. Second day went way better. I started handling the radio by myself, with my trainer's direction and even started answering the phone. The only problem, was that I wasn't familiar with the area, where things were, how long it would take trucks from this location to get there and so forth. So they decided to change up my third day, and put me on an ambulance with another EMT and a Paramedic, to get a feel for both sides and hopefully understand where things were better.

This was the Lords will.
My shift started at 10am and lasted to 2am. We ran 6 calls in a row, leaving the station at 11 and not returning until 8pm. We ate dinner, and then ran off at 9pm to work at the Denton State Fair. There was an RV, ATV, and multiple co-workers at the First Aid station waiting for someone to need us. We did end up getting a pretty bad call for a little girl that got hit by one of the rides, and had to take her in for what ended up being a C1 and C2 (neck) fracture. Finally, around 1:00am people started heading out of the park. By this time I started to not feel well, and knew that a twitching problem was coming on from the flashing fair lights. I decided to hide behind the RV until it was time to go. 5 minutes later, my partners came and got me. I rode in the back of the ambulance with another girl medic who needed a ride back to the station. None of them had any idea I was having an issue...of which I was thankful for. On the 15 minute ride back to the station, I was twitching a lot, staring, and breathing harder. I'd had problems like this before, knew that I just had to wait it out, and hope it would end before they figured it out. I prayed quite a bit in the back of that ambulance. It was dark back there, and I liked it that way.

This was the Lords will.
We arrived at the station, and everyone got out but me. Shoot. They knew. All of a sudden I had 3 medics back there asking me questions, checking my vitals, and complaining on why I hadn't said anything :) I refused to let them take me in, and so instead, they helped me into the day room where the couches were. I almost passed out trying to do that, but managed. Of course the whole station had to come in and watch me jerk on the couch, and watch my heart rate which wasn't quite normal. I was a bit out of it, so I still don't remember who was there that night, but I do know I was in good hands despite the embarrassment. They encouraged me to not drive the hour and a half home that night, but I didn't feel like driving anyways so I agreed. In the ladies room, I found myself paler than I've ever seen. It almost scared me to be so white. All night long, my heart was racing and my stomach started getting queasy. Every 15 minutes to an hour, the dispatcher on duty would come in and check my vitals. At 6:45am, the shift supervisor woke me up and told me an ambulance was going to escort me and my car home to Wills Point when I was ready. They absolutely refused to let me drive.

And even this was the Lords will.
I got up around 7:30, lethargic, weak, dizzy, and sick. I pretended like I was okay, but I didn't look it. Though I did feel more alert than the few hours prior! I was just in recovery mode from the crazy night before that's all. I decided to let them take me home to my friends house who was way closer, and whom I had been staying with already the past few days. I stayed the weekend with this family, since I was supposed to go back to work on Monday...two days later. I got to feeling better after lots of sleep, sleep, more sleep, and good food. Monday came along. I went to work praying for God's grace and help for the day. He would take care of me.
It was hard. 12 hours is a long time, especially when you're not 100%. But I pushed, and fought, and pretended. It really wasn't that bad of a day. The Lord helped me be the best dispatcher I could be for that time. But He also had other plans, to make me slow down. I guess it's hard to get my attention :) So, against all my plans I started to deteriorate again.

This was the Lords will.
My heart was racing, and felt funny. I was so dizzy I could hardly lift my head up to answer the radio. But I managed. I felt out of breath, but I kept trying to do my job...I mean I only had an hour left until getting off. But my dispatcher trainer, and another medic decided that I should get checked out. So they helped me in the dayroom, despite almost fainting (again!) and hooked me up to the monitor. My blood pressure was high, and they saw something in my heart that was a little concerning. They told me I had no choice but to go in. Bummer. I got in the ambulance, and Mr. M. and his partner N. got me hooked up again, and started an IV. I didn't even flinch. That was how loopy I was. They took me in to Presby ER, and gave me well wishes. I don't really remember much of what happened in the 10 minutes after I got there, but they did an EKG, drew blood, gave me another bag of IV fluids, did a tilt test on me, and a chest x-ray. I felt much better. My vitals were normal, and I felt energetic and talkative. My dispatcher trainer came to see me. My friend that I was staying with came to visit a little bit after that, along with two co-workers. They told me how much better I was acting, and were goofing around in the room when I felt it coming on again. All of a sudden I became lethargic, dizzy, and weird. They knew immediately it was the same thing that had happened earlier. They told a nurse, and watched my vitals. Again my blood pressure went up, and my heart rate went wild. The doc came in and I couldn't respond very well. After about 10 minutes, I came out of it, and was fine again. They drew more blood since the prior draw had come out with crazy numbers, which ended up being the needles fault. After everything had come back fine, they decided to keep me overnight for observation and have a Cardiologist come see me the next day.

This was the Lords will.

I was taken upstairs into my own room, still hooked up to an IV and having vital signs taken every 2-3 hours…not including the blood draw that happened at 5:30am. At 7am I was wheeled down to have an CT scan of my head, just for precaution since someone had mentioned my neurological episode 2 days prior. Another blood draw at 10am. Everything still normal. The Cardiologist came in and talked to me about my symptoms. He couldn't figure it out. I was having Premature Atrial Contractions (PAC's), but a ton of people have that, and it's nothing to be concerned about. He said he wanted me to wear a month long holter monitor to see if they could pick up a different rhythm, and go from there. My dad came and saw me 30 minutes before they released me. He drove me back to pick up the car at work, and followed me to my friends house. I was so tired. I was planning to try and go back to work the next day, since it would have been my last for the week, and the Cardiologist wasn't concerned so why not? I got some sleep, and went back to work the next day only to get sent home at noon. I had another heart episode, though not as bad, my blood pressure was high again, and I didn't have the correct release form. They were worried about me, but I didn't know how to tell them I may have to deal with this for awhile…as kind of a 'normal thing'. How was I going to hold a job like this?

This was the Lords will.

I rested up, got my release form faxed over, and drove back to Wills Point to see my family for the first time in a week. It was so good to be back home! I felt as if I had been gone for weeks. I went back to work 3 days later. I made it. Through. the. whole. day. However, I was still having some issues knowing the area and feeling comfortable with dispatching. I was trying my best, I was learning a lot, I was making friendships, I was part of a family, and I wanted to do well. My supervisor decided to let me try nights and see how I did. So, I went home and came back 3 days later for my first ever night shift. I was excited, and somewhat nervous since they do things very different after 7pm. I had a new person training me, and we just worked together taking calls, dispatching trucks, entering forms, and her teaching me how things go at that time of night. It wasn't that hard to stay awake until about 4:30am. That's when I started fighting it. I listened to Christian music on Pandora, and worked on crocheting a baby blanket for a friend. I also had a hard time (from about 10pm on) keeping my health in line. My heart wouldn't stop racing, I kept trying to stay conscious and alert during the frequent episodes to not much avail, and I was dizzy. I hate to admit that I was hooked up yet again by a very understanding dispatcher, who was very graciously trying her best not to draw attention to me, or tell anyone she didn't have to. Come to find out, she herself had had issues when first dispatching and had to be taken to the hospital by her co-workers for heart problems too, her reason being dehydration. She has Hashimoto's disease, has had many issues growing up, and had to use her nebulizer every night while dispatching. She could relate. And she was about the only one who could. Miss L. told me I was free to go home if I needed to (at 2am) but I decided to try and make it through. And I did. I was nodding off by 5:30 but made it to 7am.

This was the Lords will.

I slept for about 4 hours after going to my friends house, filled out some paperwork at the hospital to be sent to a natural doctor, came back to sleep for another hour before going in to work. This was the last night before they would decide where to put me. I was half hoping I would get to work nights, just because it was more laid back and easier to handle than during the day. That night, I was basically on my own. The dispatcher trainer tried to occupy herself with other things to see if I could really do this by myself. She was actually surprised with how I handled it...not perfectly, but not bad either. We didn't have any calls from 12:00am until 6am, so it was really kind of boring at first, except that Miss L. showed me her favorite movies on her laptop which was really fun :) It was nice to spend time with her, watching things she enjoyed and get to know her better. At 6:45am, the shift change person came in, who just so happened to be my supervisor. She pulled Miss L. aside to talk with her about the night. 5 minutes later, she came and got me to talk about the night. What I heard next, was something I wasn't expecting: "We're going to have to let you go." I was so stunned I didn't know how to respond, but smile and say "oh!" That is the polite Lodi way of saying things! My supervisor didn't really say why, except that they decided reluctantly I 'wasn't a good fit'. I could tell in her eyes, that this was not something she wanted to do, or expected either. I signed the forms, said thank you and goodbye, grabbed my things, and quietly walked out the door. When I got in the car to drive home, I just praised God that He knew what He was doing and that this, even THIS was His will.

This was the Lords will.

I called my mom to tell her, and was so suddenly choked up I could hardly talk. I started crying trying to explain things, and even though I knew God was in charge I was in shock, sad, and overwhelmed. I had never had to experience being let go, and it was hard to take especially after having been awake for 14 hours. I slept for a few hours before leaving to come home. I didn't feel good at all, but I knew I needed to just be home. I stopped by a friends apartment on my way back, to see her new baby and get a break from the hot car. Well, the only problem? I never left. I felt so exhausted, dizzy, and had a irregular heart that I could hardly walk. And they lived on the 3rd floor. I had a grand time with them, despite not feeling well, and they ended up having to drive me home the next day. My body was spent. I needed my bed, my family, my home.

This was the Lords will.

It has now been 3 weeks since that happened. I have no hard feelings for the ambulance company, and see the Lords hand orchestrating it all. He is the One who knew this was going to happen, way before I did. He planned before I was born, that I was only going to work there 3 amazing, hard, wonderful, challenging weeks. Why? Who knows. Maybe, just so I could tell one of my co-workers about The Veil of Tears. Maybe, just so I could shine Jesus' light to the people I worked with. Maybe, just to build relationships with a few people there. Maybe, just to have one soul see Jesus. Only Christ knows why. He planned it. He did His work. And hopefully a soul was touched and reached, with only the Hand that can. This was His will. And it was my choice to joyfully accept it, or receive it in anger. I have already decided through this whole journey to accept His will with gladness, with the knowledge that He has a more wonderful plan for me. He knows. There is no need to be worried about it. It has given me a peace to know in my heart that HE knows. HE cares. HE understands. HE will provide. What more could I ask for?

I have seen a natural doctor, and a Cardiologist, and just recently started driving again. I'm on my way to being healthy. I have been diagnosed with a Calcium deficiency, adrenal fatigue, orthostatic hypotension, PAC's, tons of extra non-dangerous beats, and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I am taking a Calcium supplement, eating tons of protein, fat and salt, trying to get more sleep, just started a low dose heart medication to suppress the amount of extra heart beats, and hopefully get rid of some symptoms, and finally, started slowly implementing exercising. POTS is an auto-immune disorder, just like the RSD was that I had earlier this year. It causes fatigue, dizziness especially when standing up, racing heart, brain fog, body temperature issues (hot/cold), hard time concentrating, nausea, fainting, headaches, weakness, and because of all this can lead to depression. The only treatment doctors have found is to exercise despite how you feel. You feel like sleeping all the time, and not going anywhere, but really you are only feeding the disease without realizing it. You need to get up and start with some floor exercises like biking or rowing for 30 minutes 5 days a week. That is what I'm attempting to do :) Let me tell you it is not easy stuff! You are trying to eventually have the ability to run and even walk easier.

So this is my story. I hate writing about myself and my problems, but it has really played a part of the journey God has taken me on in just 6 weeks...a journey that hasn't ended, and will continue until He sees fit to take me Home. We are always on a journey. Whether good or bad, He is always there for us, loving on us, taking care of us, and using things in our lives to bring us closer to Him. Will you accept His will for your life?

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Friday, September 5, 2014

Indian Hills, CO

The last stop we made was Indian Hills, Colorado...or otherwise known as Morrison. It was an absolutely GORGEOUS place, set in the Colorado mountains. The couple we stayed with were so sweet and graciously allowed 8 people to crash--and try not to trash--their house. They spoiled us to pieces with gourmet food...and well, just a lot of food and choices.
We had a thunderstorm every afternoon, to the point that parts of Colorado were flooding. Supposedly it used to do that about 20 years ago, but they had been in a drought since then. It was so neat to experience the rain everyday, especially up in the mountains!
The amazing hamburgers!!

One of the many deer's we saw.
Our view!
Levi and Micah
Mommy and our hostess Mrs. Steinhoff
Me : )
We went hiking and got back right before a thunderstorm!

We hiked up to a historical marker...a large family home that was struck by lightning, caught fire, and these are the remains. The dad built a railroad track in order to send up the building materials to that part of the mountain, and it took a couple years of doing this to complete. His wife died after living there for 7 months, and then a year later, this happened. They had about 6 young children who lived there too.
The fireplace

Selfie with my little bro!! Together, we climbed up some rocks and hung out up there for awhile. It was so fun!
Mr. Cutie Pants

Not sure if you can see it very well, but there is Downtown Denver in the background by the horizon.

Dominic wanted to pretend like he was falling off the cliff...and I'd say it worked pretty well!

Selfie at a park

Julia, Dominic, Anthony and I decided to take our own hike without a trail, up a mountain right next to where we were staying. It was super overgrown, and there was a huge storm rolling in. We also were quite worried about bobcats, since we were in their territory. No, we didn't get struck by lightning, and no we did not see any bobcats...but we did find out later that we had just climbed up Bear Mountain...for that very reason. I must say it was a fun and yet terrifying experience!

At the top of the mountain
Storm coming in while hiking

Alright, that is the end of our 3 week journey. It was amazingly beautiful, and way too long : ) It was so nice to be able to come back home and sleep in our own bed. Thank you for reading, and I hope it was interesting enough!

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace