Pain

From what I can remember, my life has almost always been filled with pain in some form or another.  Whether it be physical pain, or emotional pain, it's always been part of me.  I have struggled to accept the way God planned my life, because I never understood why God would allow so much pain and suffering to come upon myself and those around me.  I hurt too much.  I've always felt like it was more than I could bear and been frustrated with why God thought I could handle it.

It wasn't until yesterday as I was journaling that it dawned on me that I never looked at pain the right way.  First of all, God talks in the Bible about how there will be pain and suffering in this world and to not be surprised when we go through trials. In 1 Peter 4:12-13 he says this,

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."

John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

I don't know why I've never put two and two together.  God TELLS us that it's going to happen...so why am I shocked that I'm going through hard painful trials?  None of the Believers in the Bible had it easy either so why would I be any different?  David was in hiding and had people trying to kill him but he knew.  "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."  Psalm 119:71  Moses was stranded in a desert and was never able to enter the promise land, yet he still followed God.  Job endured some of the most horrific of trials but he stood firm in his faith and trusted God even though his friends told him to do otherwise.  "At least I can take comfort in this: despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One."  Job 6:10  Paul was put in prison, was stoned, was shipwrecked, and many other things, but that never stopped him from sharing the Good News of Christ.  God knew that there would be suffering and affliction.  And He told us it was going to happen.

But He didn't leave us to suffer on our own.  He gave us hope to look to when we go through pain and hardship.  He made us promises.

"A righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." Psalm 34:19

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2

"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."  1 Corinthians 4:8-9

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

God Himself is with us in our suffering.  When it feels like it's too much to bear, that's because it is.  That is when we are supposed to lean on Christ and take His yoke upon ourselves for His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  He IS our only hope.  Sometimes He is all we have, and yet He is all we need. 

Pain is also part of the fall.  It is normal to experience pain because sin has cursed the Earth and suffering is a side effect of sin.  It shouldn't be a surprise to us when we encounter hurt and affliction because that is something that is a part of our world due to the fall.

Pain is a good thing.  If we didn't go through pain, we wouldn't appreciate healing and relief.  If we didn't experience pain, we wouldn't know that something was wrong and would continue damaging ourselves as a result. 

As I journaled on my computer, I almost started writing..."I don't understand why God thinks it's okay for me to go through this much suffering."  But I soon realized how selfish that was.  First of all, God warned us that we would encounter hardships and that going through life wouldn't be easy.  Second of all, God promised that He would be with us in our storm and that He would deliver us from it.  That suffering would grow us.  That pain would cause us to turn our eyes to Him.  Third of all, God Himself experienced pain.  In fact He went through the most excruciating pain imaginable...both physically and emotionally.  And He did it so that way I could have life and have it abundantly.

"For Christ suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.  He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit." 1 Peter 3:18

"He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.  Like one from whom people hide their faces He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem."  Isaiah 53:3

He understands my pain.  He knows what it's like to go through suffering, to an even greater extent then I can fathom and I can rest in Him knowing that He understands.

And lastly, trials and affliction make heaven all the more exciting.  As a believer, I have something to look forward to, a hope that one day things will be new.  The pain will be gone.  I will be rejoicing and dancing with the Father.  Death will no longer be part of life, but rather life will be restored. 

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  Revelation 21:4

There is hope. 

Pain is part of life.  Suffering grows us.  Hardship makes us turn to Christ.  And God is there in the midst of it all.  He is there empathizing with you.  He is restoring you.  He will deliver you.  That doesn't make suffering easy to handle, but it at least gives us a hope to hold on to.

So as I sit here in constant horrible pain and hurting emotionally, I can only look to Jesus for help and comfort.  I can only cry out to the One who understands suffering.  And to be honest it's easier said then done, but I'm trying.  I need Him.  I have nothing left in me.  I can no longer do this on my own.  My hope is that with this new found realization of hardship, that it will gradually change my perspective on pain and that my trust in Him will grow.  And may this show you that pain is a part of life, and something that you can only bear with help from the Father.  Something that Christ Himself is acquainted with.  May you look at the end of the finish line, running with hope that one day all things will become new, that pain and death will pass away, and that you will be sitting at the feet of Jesus.

                                                                 In His Arms,
                                                              Olivia Grace  

Coping and Mental Illness

TRIGGER WARNING: contains graphic images and mild blood

I went to The Porch yesterday at Watermark church and the message was on what we do to cope.  It was very difficult to get through the sermon because of all the memories I was having during that time.  It actually caused me to have a bit of a panic attack.  But none the less it was still very good and needed to be heard. 

Most if not all of us have struggles or traumas in our past that we have pushed deep down, and are using or doing things to cope and numb our feelings.  It hurts too much to deal and process.  So we try other ways to numb the pain.  To forget what we went through.  To hide from reality.

So what are some of the coping methods?  Well, some people do drugs.  Others mask their problems with medication.  Some use pornography.  Others use social media.  Some people do self harm.  Others struggle with eating disorders such as bulimia and anorexia.  And the list goes on and on.  Most people think yeah it's not the best idea to be doing this, but they don't realize the seriousness of their problem. 

There are three points that were made last night that addresses coping problems.  The first point is Admit.  You have to admit that there is an issue or struggle or trauma before you can do anything.  And that healing, requires revealing.  In order to begin the healing process you have to reveal what the problem is deep down.  You have to face it. 

The second point is Allow others in.  Telling people what happened to you, or what you're struggling with is a huge and necessary step.  You need support as you walk through this.  You need people around you who can speak truth into your life.  Because when you know the truth, you are able to identify the lies.  You are not meant to carry this burden alone.  That is when the body of Christ steps in to help you as you admit your problem, process, grieve, and come out restored on the other side.  Because God is in the business of restoration!  He wants to see you restored.  Freed from the coping methods that are hurting you more. 

The third point is Address the root.  Finding out what deep down is hurting you more than ever will allow you to face it and process through what happened.  It may be a memory from your childhood.  Your parents divorce.  A feeling that you'll never get that desired approval from your mom and dad that you've always wanted.  It could be a death of a friend or family member that rocked your world.  Maybe you were taken advantage of or abused.  A church you grew up in that was manipulative and emotionally scarring.  It could be anything.  But address the problem and process through it.  Processing with a counselor or a friend will help you heal from it.  And always remember that you can run to Jesus!  He is the ultimate healer and restorer of your life.  Talk to Him about it and find rest in His Spirit.  Stop walking around hurt, wounded, and limping, and start admitting, processing, and healing.  We ARE the image of Christ!  Wouldn't it be better to walk around with true radiant joy, shining the light of Jesus, and showering God's desire for healing and restoration around the world?

Now is the hard part for me.  I am going to admit my coping problem to my readers in attempts to heal from it.  And in hopes that I can show that people who struggle with this that they are not alone.  Because of things that happened in my childhood until now, I've dealt with coping and numbing by self harm.  I did it pretty consistently for about a month a few years ago, and had eventually got a tattoo over the scars as a reminder of what I went through and who I was in Christ.  A warrior.  It wasn't until this past December that I started dealing with it again.  Between not being able to work at my job because of an injury, to feeling depressed and alone, to having a friend and family member pass away, to being in constant pain and having to do physical therapy...it all added up and was too much for me. 

So I resorted to doing self harm. 

Cutting was a way to be in control of something and to relieve the mental pain I was in.  It was my way of distracting myself.  Even now it's a struggle not to do it and I am working with a counselor to try and process through things to get to a point where I don't feel like I "have" to do it.  It's hard.  And it's been a secret from most of the world since it all started in December.  It's something I hide.  But now after hearing that message last night, and having a panic attack because of the memories, I've felt like it's something I needed to admit.  Something that I need accountability for.  As you can see, I've already been in the hospital for an infection...and yet somehow I still have the desire to cut.

It is not an easy thing to go through trauma, PTSD, and constant struggle and process through it all.  In fact it's one of the hardest things to face.  And I wish it wasn't so difficult.  I wish healing came easy, but it most definitely doesn't.  But as I try and process through what happened in the past, and try to find healthier ways to cope while I try a heal, I hope that you too will look at your life, admit what the problem is, allow others into your life, and address the root of the issue.  I hope that through Christ and His plan you will find healing and restoration.  That you too will become free from a life of coping in ways that hurt you more.  That in His grace and mercy you will be filled with the joy of Him Who created joy.  And may you be filled with a hope you can't deny, and a peace you can't contain.

                                                                     In His Arms,
                                                                    Olivia Grace