Wow. Many things have happened since my last post in September. Some good, and some bad. But first, what does life mean anyway?
the experience of being alive
"Life is a song--sing it. Life is a game--play it.
Life is a challenge--meet it. Life is a dream--realize it.
Life is a sacrifice--offer it. Life is love--enjoy it."
"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated"
Why is it that sometimes "the experience of being alive" isn't as pleasant as it sounds? I think part of it is our attitude towards life. . .or the circumstances that arise in it. And maybe the fact that sometimes we tend to lose our focus on Christ. . .at least I do. I have a tendency to try and do things on my own, and even would rather sit an mope : ) But that is not being joyful of the life that God has given us! It should be a privilege to be alive and live for Him.
I had the privilege to go help out at Medical Center of McKinney in the beginning of November. It was required for my EMT school to have two clinical's there and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it : ) They were 12 hour shifts; one of them being on the night of the time change. . .making it 13 hours long! It was hard, but really neat to meet different kinds of people in their times of need, and be able to help them.
I was also able to help on the back of an ambulance for 12 hours at a private ambulance service called TLC (Texas Lifeline Corperation). A valuable lesson was learned: the stretcher is the most dangerous piece of material on the box (ambulance). It was a really neat experience for me to have. I think I have finally figured out what I enjoy doing : )
Just this past Wednesday, I passed my finals test with a score of 85.1%, which I was very happy about! The Lord has been amazing to me whenever I have had a major test in class: He has always given me a peace and excitement to do it and just have fun with it. Now all I have left, is the big National test to take in the next 4 weeks. . .hopefully passing, and getting a certification in the mail. I am quite shocked at how the Lord has helped me through EMT school all this time, and that this is really happening! This is one of the good things God has been doing in the midst of the interesting stuff.
What 'interesting stuff' you say? Well, the picture below might explain a few things. . .
And no, before I say anything else, I am not smoking : ) This is called a nebulizer treatment.
I was diagnosed with asthma, just 6 hours before this happened. I was at school and all of my classmates and I had gone outside to do some hands on things. . .but I had accidently gone up the stairs too fast, and not really understood when enough was enough. My inhaler didn't quite work, since I had waited too long to do it. Long story short, I was basically taken to the hospital by ambulance since I was kind of going into shock due to respiratory problems and being outside in the colder environment. They then gave me a steroid shot, and a nebulizer treatment to help with everything. . .and then I finally felt better after all that.
I am now learning the hard way what triggers my asthma: one of them being cigarette smoke, or any other kind of smoke in general. I'll be having to quit my job because of the people that smoke there, and am now trying to figure out where the Lord wants me to work after this. I have also been semi-diagnosed with Myoclonic/Partial seizures, which mean that I will suddenly jerk, or my head will fall. This week, I've been even dropping things at my work and not remembering how it happened: almost like my brain shuts down for a second, but I never lose consciousness. All of this has occurred over the past month or so and has been so sudden, that it was really hard to deal with at first. My body is hypersensitive to almost everything, causing me to be on a strict rotational diet where I only eat beans, meat, vegetables, some dairy products, and berries. I have become highly allergic to sugar, including most fruits. My mom is thinking that I have a high metal toxicity in my body (just like my brother Micah), and so we're going to test for that next week. I already know that I have a horrible candida (yeast) problem, hence the sugar allergy, which might be causing my immune system to shut down and suddenly giving me these issues with asthma and seizures. We are hopeful that it is curable, whatever it may be, and that I won't have to live with this my whole life : )
So this has been my story for the past 3 months of life. A whirlwind for sure, and something that is teaching me how weak I really am (even though I don't want to admit it), and that my strength can only come from our gracious Lord Jesus.
My mom was talking to me about all of this, a couple weeks ago, and mentioned something I hadn't thought of before: that maybe I need to let go of my pride. Pride? I didn't know I had any!
a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people;
the quality or state of being proud as: inordinate self-esteem.
It took me awhile to figure out what she was talking about, but then she explained her point of view. I was being prideful in the fact that I was too ashamed to admit that I have health problems, because I was embarrassed, and unsure what other people would think. There it is: pride. I'm too prideful to accept weakness. . .because nobody wants to be weak. Everyone wants to be strong and do everything, and help everyone, and be the one person that everyone looks up to and trusts. That is who I am. And it is not bad in any way, to help others and be sad when you can't, but I was taking it too far. I was taking it to the point of pushing the limits on my body. . .all because I wanted to keep my trust. The people I work for trust me a whole lot, and I didn't want to let them down because of my weakness. It all silently led to pride, and I didn't even know it.
I'm still learning to accept my weakness. . .and it's taking awhile. I can't exercise anymore. I can't play sports that I love anymore. I can't even sing much anymore. I can't keep going and going anymore like I used to. . .like all the youth my age do. I can't keep working like I have been. I'm going to have to leave in the next week or two. All this is because God has allowed me to be weak for a time, to learn a valuable lesson from the Savior of the universe. To allow me to gain my strength from Him only. To learn to trust Him for my every need. To rely on Jesus Christ who will help me through the struggles of this life. But the blessing is that it wont last forever. . .we who are believers in Him have the hope of Heaven to look forward to. Where it is promised to have no suffering or trials. Where we are privileged to spend time with our Father, forever. The struggles of this life are only for a short period of time. Why do we become so discouraged when problems come up? This is not the end! We should all keep saying to ourselves "look up! look up!".
Life is a journey. It comes with many joys, and sadness. With struggles, and happiness. Now we just need to enjoy the 'experience of being alive', and praise the Lord for allowing us to be on this earth and giving us the privilege to be a blessing and a light to the other people that God has created.
He is worthy and greatly to be praised