Sometimes, families have off days.
Bad ones. Hard ones. Today, happened to be one of those days.
Sometimes it's really hard to act like a Christian when everyone is mad at each other for their own reasons!
So as I ran out of the house in anger, I went on a walk by myself...in the breezy country air...which that in and of itself can cure someone.
As I was walking, I passed by two houses that were having parties.
And it made me feel like an outsider.
They were having fun, and I wasn't.
They were enjoying each other with friends, and I wasn't.
My family was lacking peace, and I was mad.
They were laughing and I was crying.
And that reminded me of India.
Hmmm, usually parties don't remind people of India, but on this particular day it did.
Some of you may know, but in India, there are outsiders.
...children who see other kids going to school and having fun.
...lower caste people looking at the luxurious homes while they live in a straw house.
...moms going through the market longing to purchase food for their family but having no money.
...dads wanting a better life, but not able to have one due to their caste.
And it made me realize that God was giving me a taste for them. Those who don't know Jesus. Those who are sad and lonely, because of the cruel caste system. Those who hardly have anything because they can't earn money very easily. They are true outsiders. They are the Dalits. Treated worse than dogs and pigs on the street. And here I was, walking down a country road, longing to be a part of the happiness. Knowing kind of what it is like for the people of India as they walk down the streets, longing to be a part of the happiness.
I then began praying to the Lord, asking for forgiveness and wondering how in the world He doesn't get angry. How does He have a righteous anger, and what does that look like? I began realizing how much I'd rather be like Him, having self control and love. To be slow to get angry, not having anger be a regular occurrence, but rather something that is extremely rare. I know it's going to take time, I just hope and pray this is something all of us can conquer with the Lord's help. It is His desire for us to be more like Him...and I want to do that for Him.
The other thing the Lord showed me while I was walking, was that He made us a reflection of Him. We were made out of His image...and at that moment, that image was totally distorted and ugly. It's not His fault, but rather my own. He made me beautiful, in His own image, looking just like the Trinity, and here I was showing the world what an ugly Christian looks like. It had to be my choice to change that. And His grace and mercy to reveal that to me.
As I cried out to the Lord for help and forgiveness, He put music in my heart and changed me. He reminded me of a song we sang on Wednesday night:
Start a Fire down in my soul
that I can't contain
that I can't control
I want more of You God.
I want more of You God.
How sad the reality is that we so quickly loose our passion and fire for our Father. And yet how beautiful the fact that we can come and bow before Him confessing our sins, and requesting a new passion for Him! Some of the things He uses to break and make us is not very appealing, but is necessary for the growth of our spiritual walk. In the end, Lord willing, we will be the exact representation of Him. Having learned all of life's lessons, and finally fully understanding who Christ is in His glory.
May He fill you with His love and passion, shaping you into His image, making you into a beautiful human being created by Him. Continue to follow after Him, and pray for a loving heart that is very slow to become angered! God bless you all.
He is worthy and greatly to be praised