Scripture

If any of y'all watched my youtube videos I made about Depression, you will probably remember me mentioning something to the effect that people preaching to me and throwing scriptures at me make everything worse.  Well let me explain this a little bit better.

As I have struggled with depression, low self-esteem and anxiety for the last few months, I have come to discover what things help during a time of feeling low, and what things make it worse.  One of the things that don't help, are people that tell me all the scripture verses that I should be meditating on, thinking about, and reading.  Also those that "preach" to me by telling me how I should feel, the ways God is higher than me, how He is using this for my good, and that He is in control.  Mind you, these people have good intentions of helping me and bringing me out of the depression.  However, during that deep dark time I don't need anyone to make me feel any less of a Christian and feel stupid, because that is how I interpret what is being said.  I feel stupid, because they make me feel like I don't know anything or am not obeying Christ or His Word, by thinking the way I do due to the depression at the time.  I understand that that is not what the other person really meant, but I'm such a literal person and one that comes to solutions sometimes too fast.  Once I have a belief about something or someone, it's hard for me to up and change it to the positive side of that.

The problem with preaching to me, is that I already know what you're going to say, and it's usually the same thing that everyone else says.  Because what do you say to someone who is depressed except all things positive and pointed toward the Lord?  I already know that God is in control, and that He is going to turn everything to good.  Right now, I don't need people to be making it seem like what I'm going through is any less important and stupid since "I should be trusting God".  My relationship with Jesus is just between me and Him, and I can't have people interfering with that relationship by telling me what to do or how I should think.  

However, there are occasions where giving me a scripture verse is okay.  As long as it doesn't seem like you're beating me down, I will accept it with the intention to read it when I'm ready.  Sometimes I'm ready right then and there, sometimes I need a few days.  I know it can be hard to understand when it's okay to share and when it's not, but just ask the Lord when He wants you to share it with me.

Just a few ways that do help me during depression, is people who listen to me and are understanding.  Give them your ear for a bit.  Let them cry if they need to.  Give them a hug and tell them that you understand.  Another thing that helps is getting together with someone just to hang out and have fun!  Because of how dark depression is, it is extremely nice to come out of it for awhile and do something you enjoy with a friend.

I'm so sorry if I offended anyone by anything I said.  I just know that there are times when I need my space, need time to process things and feel the way I do.  Then there are other times when I need a helping hand through the struggle.

 Depression is a dark cave full of hopelessness, helplessness, and fear, and most times it's hard to see the end of it.  Please do be praying for me as I try and figure out how to manage depression, and that I would somehow be able to come out of this on the other side.

Thank you for your patience with me, and please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.  I hope that this was a helpful explanation to the topic :)

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Depression

It's 4:30am.  I can't sleep for anything.  Panic ensues as my mind is flooded with past memories that are not pleasant to remember.  I can't control them as they rush in like a river and make me catch my breath.  People tell me that I can control my response to these thoughts, but sometimes it's nearly impossible.  It can totally encompass a person, make them feel small and incapable of doing anything, and cause them to be afraid that it might happen again.  It is a horrible feeling, one that is sometimes more intense than anything you have ever felt.

Stress, depression and panic attacks are real, and not something to take lightly.  Many people deal with one or more on a regular basis, which has lately been the case for me.  I often question my existence, and wonder why I have to be on this earth for more than I think is necessary.  Sometimes I seriously think people would be better off without me.  It's just too hard.  

"For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life ...and He will yet deliver us."
1 Corinthians 1:8, 10b

After reading this, it gives a spark of hope that maybe someday it will all be over...that He will deliver me from this deep affliction of chronic depression.  The thoughts are real, the memories will still be there but maybe I'll get a reprieve one of these days.  

You may wonder why I don't sound very positive, and that is because I'm really struggling.  Depression is no easy thing to go through. In fact, it has been the hardest thing I've dealt with yet.  It drains you physically, emotionally and mentally.  Some days are more of a struggle than others.  Some days I have more energy, while other days I can barely function.  Sometimes just too much noise will send me off into a tailspin.  It is amazing how hard it is to handle normal things that used to be easy.  The hardest part is that I am a Christian... so my first thought is: does this make me any less of a person or a Christian?  And the answer to that is no.  God loves me just the way I am, and even if it is a sad version of me His love will never change.  That is what I adore about the Lord... that struggles don't define a person, they shape a person.  It is there to make me stronger.  To build my character and who I am.  No matter how hard the struggle is, God will always be with me: especially when nobody else understands and I feel alone.

So these are just some real thoughts from a real person.  I hope now you can understand a little bit better what it's like to suffer from depression, stress and panic disorders.  That is usually the hardest thing for people... it's being misunderstood and belittled.  So please just be a listener instead of one who shames the other person.  And ask yourself how you can better yourself and be a blessing to others!

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Who are you?

I have something that I have been wanting to say for a while. It is on my heart, and I know it's time to write about it.

There are times when I struggle with something that's going on, and forget who I am in Christ. Once I remember, it is a beautiful day for sure! Are you ready?

I am loved.

I am treasured.

I am His.

I am safe.

I am secure.

I am set apart.

I am holy.

I am beautiful.

I am comforted.

I am forgiven.

I am found.

I am complete.

I am blameless.

I am rooted in Him.

I am accepted.

I am free.

I am chosen.

I am a new creation.

I am redeemed.

I am healed.

I am clean.

I am victorious.

I am blessed.

I am an heir of Christ.

I have peace.

I have joy.

I have strength.

I have courage.

I am sheltered.

I am sanctified.

I am God's workmanship.

I am alive.

I am filled.

I am lovely.

I am pure.

I am prosperous.

I am a believer in the Son of God, the risen Lord, Jesus Christ, a follower of God the Father, and am filled with His Holy Spirit.

He is my Savior.

He is my Lord.

He is my helper.

He is my strength.

He is my comfort.

He is my hope.

He is my joy.

He is my shelter.

He is my refuge.

He is my stronghold.

He is my Father.

He is my everything.

He is my fortress.

He is my King.

He is my desire.

He is my life.

He is my redeemer.

He is mine.

He is my God.

And if you are a Christ follower, Jesus seeker, God lover, and you have put you faith and trust in Him, knowing that He is the Way the Truth and the Life; dying to pay the punishment for your sins, and rising up from the dead on the third day, then you too can say this. 

If you have not received Christ into your life, and would like to be part of this beautiful journey with Him, the One who made you, loves you, and wants you to live with Him forever, then please do so before it is too late! You may not live to see tomorrow (Matthew 24:36). This opportunity is open to everyone, all races, gender, color, and age. All you have to do is ask God to come into your life, forgive you of your sins, believing that He is the only way to Heaven, trusting that He will be with you and use you, knowing that He died for your wrongdoings in order to give you life (Luke 24:7), paying for your debt, and that He rose again after three days, then He promises to do save you, and you can say you have a new life in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Matthew 11:28-30; Mark 10:27; 1 Corinthians 3:17-18 John 3:16-18; John 6:35; John 14:27

The Lord is calling you to come to Him. To seek Him and to find Him. To believe in Him and to trust in His ways. His plan for you is perfect, and no matter what you've done in your life He will forgive your sins and fill you with the most wonderful amount of joy and peace one could ever ask for. I know, because I have experienced it myself! You can't do anything on your own. But if you have Jesus, then you can do all things. 

Please take a moment to think about what you just read, and make sure you have God in your life. Cause if you don't, you will have to report it all to the Father when your time comes for you to die, and He will say that you are not in His Book of Life, and therefore thrown into eternal fire and pain to pay for what you've done (Revelation 20:15). This is not what He wants for you, but will happen if you don't turn to Him. Please don't wait any longer! I desperately want to see you in Heaven.

Who are you? The one who is saved, and filled with Jesus; or the one who is lost and in need of a Savior? There is only one answer.

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

The True gift of Christmas

Christmas is a word that brings a lot of random thoughts into our head. For some people, their first thought is Santa Claus, gifts, cookies, stockings and decorations. For others, they think about Jesus in a manger, Mary and Joseph, the Star that shone in the night for the shepherds to follow and angels. All of these are natural thoughts and have different meanings.

Both Santa Claus and stockings came from a Christian man named Saint Nicholas who lived in the time of 300 AD. Stories are told of how St. Nick was famous for being a secret gift-giver, putting coins and gifts in kids shoes that were outside for him. No there was no chimney falling, no ho-ho-ho's, and no raindeers. But there were many gifts that were given!

The well known story of stockings, is when a poor family had three daughters at the age to get married. However, they did not have enough money for dowry's for each one. Since they didn't, in that day in age, the daughters would most likely have to become prostitutes. St. Nick upon hearing their story decided to go undercover and throw a bag of coins down the chimney while their stockings (socks) were hanging up to dry. He did this three nights in a row, one bag for each girl thus saving them from prostitution. So now we put little gifts in stockings hanging on the fireplace.

My personal favorite part of Christmas is putting up the tree, and buying gifts for each other! When I think of these things, I think of the tree representing the tree that Christ died on, the lights being us shining for Him, and the ornaments being you and I a beautiful creation of God. The gifts of course represent Jesus being the ultimate gift for us, coming as a baby and wrapped in a blanket (not wrapping paper :) under the roof of a stable...or the leaves of the tree.

At church, we have been going through a series called: Jesus the True and Better. It's so interesting, because Pastor Brandon takes stories from the Old Testament and parallels them to the One to come. How Jesus is the True and Better Adam who would be tempted in the worst of circumstances and not give in. A True and Better Moses who rescued the people from their bondage and brought them to a land flowing with milk and honey (heaven). A True and Better Joseph who saved Israel from starvation, Him being the bread of life, and would reveal Himself at the proper time. A True and Better David who would slay a giant called Lucifer (Satan) and crush his head, ultimately becoming King. A True and Better Daniel whom people would try and find fault in, but wouldn't; who would be caught praying (in the Garden of Gethsemane) and would be taken to die; who would be put in a sealed pit (tomb) and come out alive. Jesus, He is the True and Better! I would encourage you to listen to this series here. 

Then you have the original Christmas story, the story that spurred on the holiday we call Christmas. The story of where Mary, a normal girl would carry the Savior of the world, and would deliver a Son named Jesus in the city of Bethlehem with her husband Joseph. A star brighter than ever, would shine over the place they were at, allowing the shepherds in the field to find the baby: their King. A few years later, a group of wise men would come to Mary and Joseph's home to give Jesus highly valued gifts of Frankincense and Myrrh. They knew that this boy was the best gift of all. And He had come to save them from their sin. 

So as we celebrate with family and friends, remember that Jesus is the reason we even have this holiday, that He is the best gift that could ever be wrapped under the tree. Merry Christmas y'all!

 He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Representing Christ

I lay awake last night at 4am thinking about how crazy the past few weeks have been. So many stretches in life, so many changes and thoughts running through my head. Then the Lord reveled to me a beautiful thought: 

He chose me to represent Him.

I lay there in bed smiling in the darkness, because of the light that shone in my heart.

What an honor it is that God gave us the privilege to represent His Name! If you are a follower of Christ, you are destined to make Him famous. Yet are we? What are we doing to make Him known?

I went to the hospital again yesterday, for seizures caused by dehydration. When I woke up in the bed, I couldn't talk. The sweetest nurse came in and started talking to me and saying how much she adored me :) She wanted to take me home and take care of me. I wondered why? I wasn't able to talk, and was laying there just smiling at her. Then I realized that maybe that was Jesus allowing me to smile and make her day a little better.

That is Jesus. 

A smiling Father that adores His children, carrying them through the trials of this life, and helping them grow in the knowledge of Himself through correction and instructions in righteousness. And our job here is to tell other people about Him, through our words and actions...all of them supposed to point others to Christ. When people see the things we do, they should see Jesus. When they hear the things we talk about, they should think about Jesus. It's not about us, it's all about Him.

So as you walk around doing your everyday things, finding joy in the midst of dark circumstances and smiling at those you see...make Him famous. Be a beautiful representation of Christ. Let His Name be made known throughout all the earth. And most of all, enjoy the life God gave you!

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

  

Daddy

This past week has been a whirlwind of a week for both me and my family, as some of you may know. I was taken by ambulance to the hospital on Tuesday because I started seizing during a new allergy treatment. Little did I know, that I would be seizing consistently every 2-3 minutes for over eight hours, unconscious, my body not responding to the meds, and then transported to a major Dallas hospital for hopefully some answers not to be released until 4 days later. I was not really ever diagnosed, since they were non-epileptic 'seizures', supposedly caused by emotional stress.

While I was there, my dad was by my side almost the entire time. He held my hand, blew my nose, took me to the bathroom, adjusted my position whenever I needed it, massaged my arms, put my hair up, played uno with me, made me laugh, brought me all my food, and gave me hugs. He was the best thing that ever happened. I've never been so dependent in my life, besides when I was born and for him to care about me so much as to do everything in the world that needed to be done, made me feel so special!

My first time sitting in a chair after 3 days of being bedridden!

As I was awake last night unable to sleep, I thought about how wonderful my daddy is and that he is trying to be an example of my eternal Daddy. That God cares about me just as much and more as my daddy, sitting by my side through thick and thin, wiping the tears off my eyes, and helping me get up and walk again. To me, it's beautiful :) My daddy in Heaven and my daddy on earth love me to the stars and moon and back, and take care of me no matter what.

"I love you with an everlasting love, with loving kindness I have drawn you."
~Jeremiah 31:3

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a Mighty One who will save; He
will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; He
will exult over you with singing." ~Zephaniah 3:17

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be
called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world
does not know us is that it did not know Him." ~1 John 3:1

Praise the Lord that His mercies are new every morning, that His love is everlasting, and that His faithfulness will never end! And a huge thanks to both my Daddy's for their unconditional love. Jesus loves you so very much :)

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace

Freedom!

I was born in California, and moved to Colorado when I was 2 1/2. In Denver we met some lifelong friends, and had a sister and two brothers born there. Just six years later, my parents read a book about missions and decided to move down to Texas to join the ministry that had changed their perspective on life. I was raised in a very sheltered family, only knowing homeschooling, missions, lost people in other countries, the value of family, healthy eating, and eventually learned to 'fit in' to the lifestyle my friends had which involved wearing dresses and skirts all the time, turning an evil eye to dating and introducing the word 'courtship', having long hair, staying sheltered in my parents home until I was married and memorizing scripture.

Great values and ideas, for sure. No negative influence. Always modest. Thinking of others in other countries. Yet never knowing how to stand up for my faith. Always believing what everyone told me was right. Never questioning the truth or lack of truth behind it. Never wondering what God thought of it all.  

Now that after 12 years of being in ministry, God showed us the truth of what was happening in leadership and allowed us to leave at just the right time...I'm beginning to question everything I once knew. I used to believe it all. Now I wonder what was true and what wasn't. The ministry hurt our family. Made us buy into lies. Deceived our minds and hearts without us knowing. We were in darkness, listening to whatever was said. The light that is shining now, is revealing the truth. How can I trust anything or anyone?

As the Lord has shown me little things here and there, I am starting to form my own opinions about where I stand in Christ and what I think He wants from me. And all He wants is for me to love and obey Him! All those wounds inside, all those beliefs I was taught, all the truth that was given, is now being used to solidify my identity in Christ. I am now free.

Growing up in the church I went to, we believed in courtship. I have now taken that into questioning as to the realistic aspect of it. Nowadays, dating is a common occurrence. Courtship is pretty much unheard of! And if there is a man that comes into my life that would like to pursue a relationship, how am I to know if he is the one for me without getting to know him?  I'm not just going to wait for some guy to talk with my dad first and go through all the daddy things he would need to go through, to get to me :) That is where I have come up with a phrase called, "dating with a purpose." I am finally free.

Another thing I grew up doing is wearing skirts and dresses 24/7. If I didn't, I'd feel out of place and embarrassed. Now I've come to the conclusion that you can still be modest without going to that extreme. As long as you don't cause men to stumble, how is wearing capri's and a t-shirt bad? It's not! God has set me free.

Our family know people who stay at home with their family until their knight in shining armor takes them away. However, sometimes God wants us young ladies to wait awhile...and staying at home until that happens is not too practical. We can't learn how to stand up for the truth, if we're constantly in the truth. My parents have allowed me to pursue my dream of being a firefighter, which involves being in the world. The world being full on sin and sinners creates an interesting environment to say the least! I have now grown closer to the Lord, solidifying my faith in Him because I can stand up for what's right, Biblical, and godly in the midst of this fallen world. Being sheltered from the world I don't believe is right, rather having God shelter me and take care of me in the world while shining His light is a better idea. And then comes freedom.

Freedom is something that can only come from the Lord. Freedom is letting God control your life for His purpose, and not trying to please others. To please Him instead. Freedom is to let go of your burdens as His peace floods your soul.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord

is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

John 8:36

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm,

then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by

the yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach

God with freedom and confidence." Ephesians 3:12

"But now that you have been set free from sin and

have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap

leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life." 

Romans 6:22

"Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a

cover-up for evil; live as servants of God." 1 Peter 2:16

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and He

answered by setting me free." Psalm 118:5

I was once chained to legalistic thoughts, bound to strict rules and regulations set by man. But Christ has set me free! I am no longer a slave and one who pleases men, but a slave and one who pleases God. He has already accepted me for who I am, not for who I once was or who I'll be later. I am His and He is mine. I am overwhelmed with the beauty of freedom, the depth of His love, and the pouring out of His grace. 

 Why are you hurting? Why are you lost? Pour it out on the Father who created you, and let Him set you free, yes free indeed!

He is worthy and greatly to be praised

 Olivia Grace