I went to The Porch yesterday at Watermark church and the message was on what we do to cope. It was very difficult to get through the sermon because of all the memories I was having during that time. It actually caused me to have a bit of a panic attack. But none the less it was still very good and needed to be heard.
Most if not all of us have struggles or traumas in our past that we have pushed deep down, and are using or doing things to cope and numb our feelings. It hurts too much to deal and process. So we try other ways to numb the pain. To forget what we went through. To hide from reality.
So what are some of the coping methods? Well, some people do drugs. Others mask their problems with medication. Some use pornography. Others use social media. Some people do self harm. Others struggle with eating disorders such as bulimia and anorexia. And the list goes on and on. Most people think yeah it's not the best idea to be doing this, but they don't realize the seriousness of their problem.
There are three points that were made last night that addresses coping problems. The first point is Admit. You have to admit that there is an issue or struggle or trauma before you can do anything. And that healing, requires revealing. In order to begin the healing process you have to reveal what the problem is deep down. You have to face it.
The second point is Allow others in. Telling people what happened to you, or what you're struggling with is a huge and necessary step. You need support as you walk through this. You need people around you who can speak truth into your life. Because when you know the truth, you are able to identify the lies. You are not meant to carry this burden alone. That is when the body of Christ steps in to help you as you admit your problem, process, grieve, and come out restored on the other side. Because God is in the business of restoration! He wants to see you restored. Freed from the coping methods that are hurting you more.
The third point is Address the root. Finding out what deep down is hurting you more than ever will allow you to face it and process through what happened. It may be a memory from your childhood. Your parents divorce. A feeling that you'll never get that desired approval from your mom and dad that you've always wanted. It could be a death of a friend or family member that rocked your world. Maybe you were taken advantage of or abused. A church you grew up in that was manipulative and emotionally scarring. It could be anything. But address the problem and process through it. Processing with a counselor or a friend will help you heal from it. And always remember that you can run to Jesus! He is the ultimate healer and restorer of your life. Talk to Him about it and find rest in His Spirit. Stop walking around hurt, wounded, and limping, and start admitting, processing, and healing. We ARE the image of Christ! Wouldn't it be better to walk around with true radiant joy, shining the light of Jesus, and showering God's desire for healing and restoration around the world?
Now is the hard part for me. I am going to admit my coping problem to my readers in attempts to heal from it. And in hopes that I can show that people who struggle with this that they are not alone. Because of things that happened in my childhood until now, I've dealt with coping and numbing by self harm. I did it pretty consistently for about a month a few years ago, and had eventually got a tattoo over the scars as a reminder of what I went through and who I was in Christ. A warrior. It wasn't until this past December that I started dealing with it again. Between not being able to work at my job because of an injury, to feeling depressed and alone, to having a friend and family member pass away, to being in constant pain and having to do physical therapy...it all added up and was too much for me.
So I resorted to doing self harm.
Cutting was a way to be in control of something and to relieve the mental pain I was in. It was my way of distracting myself. Even now it's a struggle not to do it and I am working with a counselor to try and process through things to get to a point where I don't feel like I "have" to do it. It's hard. And it's been a secret from most of the world since it all started in December. It's something I hide. But now after hearing that message last night, and having a panic attack because of the memories, I've felt like it's something I needed to admit. Something that I need accountability for. As you can see, I've already been in the hospital for an infection...and yet somehow I still have the desire to cut.
It is not an easy thing to go through trauma, PTSD, and constant struggle and process through it all. In fact it's one of the hardest things to face. And I wish it wasn't so difficult. I wish healing came easy, but it most definitely doesn't. But as I try and process through what happened in the past, and try to find healthier ways to cope while I try a heal, I hope that you too will look at your life, admit what the problem is, allow others into your life, and address the root of the issue. I hope that through Christ and His plan you will find healing and restoration. That you too will become free from a life of coping in ways that hurt you more. That in His grace and mercy you will be filled with the joy of Him Who created joy. And may you be filled with a hope you can't deny, and a peace you can't contain.
In His Arms,
Olivia Grace
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